Category — Following Our Bliss

What is the thread that leads you safely through the labyrinth of life? Once you know where you are in the great scheme of things (see previous post “You Are Here”), what is the path you follow?

Is it a set of philosophical or spiritual beliefs and practices? A path you’ve carved out for yourself or one given to you by a teacher?

As the saying goes, [Read more →]

What are your most basic questions? My first question has always been “What’s going on here?” Then “What’s really going on here?” Sometimes not easy questions to answer, but important to whatever comes next.

Don’t you love the maps found in large shopping malls or office complexes? The first thing you see is the circle with the X inside it saying “You are here.”

“Oh,” you say, “This is where I am, so now I know which direction to turn to get to where I want to be.”

Without the knowledge of where you are, you can’t know how close or far away you are from your destination. Just so, it’s important to know where you are in the great scheme of things in life. This question presupposes that you know something about the big picture and something about your destination (destiny).

And within these questions: “Who am I?”

My mother always told me, “Just be yourself, and you’ll be fine.” But who is that self? And how do you find out? [Read more →]

“Only connect,” wrote E. M. Forster. How to be connected in a world that seems to be pushing all of us toward disconnection with stress, information overload, long work hours, and the breakdown of community social structures that no longer function? In the past, most new acquaintances would be introduced by a friend or close connection so that you knew something about that person and his or her background.

Connection makes life rich. To have happy and nurturing connections is to live a life of joy and fulfillment. Easily said, but sometimes difficult to do. One of the best ways to connect with someone is to listen. Listen with all the resources at your disposal.

That means not interrupting. Paying good attention (not reading the newspaper or playing video games), giving eye contact and “squaring off,” facing another person directly, not looking over your shoulder. You might want to draw the other person out by asking “Is there more?” or “Can you tell me more about that?”

When Frank and I met 16 years ago, one of the first and most important things I noticed about him was how intently and acceptingly he listened to me with his whole being. He mirrored my feelings on his face and provided a comfortable “container” for me to open up and be myself. It was a wonderful, comfortable feeling.

When someone is angry with you, good listening alone can often restore the peace. Just hear the person out. Let them express their feelings freely. Wait. Let the anger dissipate. Only then do you say what you want to say. Give them several chances to get the anger out until it’s exhausted.

And the same with someone who is upset or anxious. Listening is a healing balm. Often that’s the main thing someone wants from you. A good listening.

I grew up with an extended family who all listened to me, and I am privileged to be able to listen to my sister, Charla, as she inspires me by walking courageously and confidently through her cancer testing

[Read more →]

The phone rings. It’s my sister, Charla, with news from her mammogram and other tests. Cancer.

Suddenly nothing is the same.

A new life story for us both as we walk this new path. I want to be with her (at least in spirit) and support her as much as possible. How can I be most helpful? What can I do? I can’t do what I most want to do: to take this illness from her.

She’s handling this better than I am, going through the consultations and tests, preparing for surgery, building a team of specialists around her. Her determination, optimism, and gratitude inspire me. We’ve talked about “wake-up calls.” She said the word “immediately” came to her early in this process: that her life will change immediately, that she wanted to do some things differently—immediately.

So her situation is a wake-up call for me, too. An unexpected new life story begins. This was not how things were “supposed” to happen. I’m four years older, so I should go through experiences before she does. But life often doesn’t happen as it “should.”

I had become complacent in this new life story in the woods. Beautiful and affectionate stray dogs have adopted Frank and me. I have found a way to work on my own, at my own pace. We’ve enjoyed the peace and quiet of country living. We’re happy, content, grateful. We’ve had a routine, a sense of having achieved a nearly perfect life, if there is such a thing. We’ve achieved so many goals, and my fondest wish has been for this story to continue in this vein for as long as possible. We worked and planned and visualized our current new life story.

I have also known and experienced the fact that life can change in a moment. A serious rear-end collision in 1989 changed my life forever, a chance encounter put Frank and me together, and a phone call from a colleague brought me a whole new way of working.

What is now? My now has changed. The old definition of new: since we moved from the city to the country. The new now: since Charla’s diagnosis.

The future is strange and unknown. Who knows what changes will result from these latest events? The future reveals itself in a moment-by-moment process. I’m not a leaf drifting in the wind, so I have some say in what constitutes this new life.

Everything is up for re-evaluation. Among several decisions I’m wrestling with is a renewed dedication and a change for this blog. I want to devote more time to it, and I want to include more immediately useful information for my readers. I’m now in the process of uploading previous newsletters to the archives, and I want to get those new newsletters out as soon as possible, as soon as some issues with servers and technical details are resolved.

I want to put my years and years of experience to work in a wider way. This month, my blog readers have come from 57 different countries. I love the idea of being a citizen of the world. I’ve been helping people write (or metaphorically write) their own new life stories for many years.

If not now, when? If not here, where?

Let us see how this blog will evolve into a more immediately useful form. Aren’t we all on a path, an open road in one sense or another? Walt Whitman wrote about the open road, and his words remind me [Read more →]

Sometimes you plan for new life stories, carefully laying the groundwork, planning, getting information, journaling possible new futures, visualizing, taking it step-by-step.

Sometimes a new life story develops gradually, growing and gaining strength beneath the surface. “Roads not taken” often do that. For one reason or another you consciously take a path and leave others untaken, then over the course of months or years, that path reappears, often in a different form giving us undreamed of possibilities.

Sometimes a new life story “happens itself upon us” in an instant. A chance meeting, a letter, a phone call, a change in a relationship, an illness, a promotion, and suddenly everything is different. Everything [Read more →]

“If you want to change your life: Do it immediately. Do it flamboyantly. No excuses.”

Presenting the first in a series of interviews with fascinating people I’m privileged to know.

EM: When did you know you would become a writer? Were there any precise turning points you remember?

TL: I was the geeky kid who always enjoyed writing assignments in school and would write extra-long essays about everything. I was always opinionated and loved to express myself on paper. Many experiences in life whet my appetite as a writer. When I was 10 years old, my parents gave me a Mattel printing press, and I was printing my own newspaper with neighborhood gossip. Other little girls were pushing their cute buggies, and I was editing a newspaper.

I was always in love with the rhythm of words and how they seemed to dance with life when they hit the page. Though some teachers inspired and encouraged me, I never had to be sold on words or pushed to read. I think reading is always the beginning of writing because if you can feel the magic of words you truly become hooked.

I’m a word-aholic, and it’s an addiction that has given me solace throughout my life.

EM: When did you first say to yourself, “I’m a writer!”?

TL: Writing is such a part of my soul and my “being” I never really had to say, “I’m a writer.” It just happened. I know I’m a writer because I always felt empty during the few moments in my life I didn’t write. Writing is a life force. It is an immutable part of who I am.

Writers are always seeking the truth and looking deep inside themselves. Like it or not, writing is a soul-changing experience. I guess I’ve been a writer as long as I’ve been a truth seeker. The writer part of my soul is continually curious, always trying to process and render meaning from my life experiences.

Though honesty is a big component of writing, I believe that beauty is also a function of art. If you have the gift of words, I think you can bring beauty and meaning to the human experience. You can motivate, empower and uplift others. That is not a responsibility I take lightly.

EM: To what extent were you nurtured in your writing by your family, teachers, mentors, writing groups?

[Read more →]

Days of driving rain, then more days of blast-furnace heat in which I’ve been so busy I haven’t even ventured out to look at my little gardens. I suppose I could take at least two different perspectives on my projects, the first being horrendous failure.

The weeds (mostly grass) are taller than many of the things I’ve planted and are in the process of reseeding themselves. Most everything looks puny or a little blighted. The potato plants simply shriveled up before blooming, the zucchini blossoms stay on the stem but don’t bear fruit, the basil looks a tad pale, and the cilantro has bolted, gone to seed, and turned a crispy brown. It looks pretty awful, I must say.

On the other hand, [Read more →]

During a recent visit, Barak Obama and David Cameron—Leader of England’s Conservative Party—discussed the importance of not getting bogged down in details. “The most important thing you need to do is to have big chunks of time during the day when all you’re doing is thinking,” said Obama.

After all, we all need planning time, time for reflection, decision-making time, problem-solving time, and time for “simply being.”

The big question is: [Read more →]

Henry James got it almost right. Those two words are surely summer morning, not summer afternoon.

A summer morning cool, heavy, washed with dew and birdsong and with the promise of untold delights ready to unfold. Who knows what a day might bring?

First go get the newspaper from the mailbox near the road, then check all the little gardens. They’re all looking a little better, and the soil is gradually coming to a lovely, friable state

The weather is so crisp this morning that I have two thoughts: [Read more →]